It is your job as a parent to teach your child the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Getting your child to behave the way you would like them to behave is not as hard as you think. Learning takes time and several weeks will go by when working on good behavior before you see a change. It will be hard, but try not to get frustrated if you don't see results right away. Discipline and punishment are not the same thing. Discipline is a whole system of teaching based on a good relationship, praise and instruction for the child to encourage good behavior. Punishment is negative. It is an unpleasant consequence for doing or not doing something. Effective discipline should take place all the time. Not just when children misbehave. Children will probably change their behavior when they feel encouraged and valued, not shamed and humiliated. When children feel good about themselves and cherish the relationship with their parents, they are more likely to listen and behave well. The first thing to avoid is power struggles. Instead, address only those issues that truly are important to you. When you offer choices you can set limits and still allow your child some independence. Try to make a game out of good behavior. The child may be more likely to do what you want if you make it fun. Parents should also try to plan ahead. If you know that certain things will set them off, remind them before hand what behavior is acceptable and what the consequences will be if they do not follow proper behavior. Always praise good behavior. Praise them whenever your child remembers to follow the rules. Parents cannot avoid trouble all the time. Your child will test your limits. It is a way for your child to find out if they can really trust you. They need to find out if you will really do what you said you would do if they did not listen. When your child sees the natural consequences of their actions, they experience the direct results of their choices. When you use this method, do not rescue them and resist the urge to lecture. Your child will learn best if they learn by themselves and therefore cannot blame you for the consequences. Natural consequences work best but they are not always logical. For example, if your child does not pick up the toys, the natural consequence is that they may be in the way. Your child may not care as much as you do in this. This is when you need to step in. You need to make your own consequence up. For example say that if they don't pick up the toys then you will. Then explain that they will not be able to play with them for the rest of the day. And be prepared to do this immediately. Let them know that you are serious and follow through. Sometimes it is not always easy to think of logical consequences, especially in the heat of the moment. You can try withholding privileges. Never take away anything they truly need like a meal. Think of something they really like and follow through. Then there are time-outs. This should be used as a last resort. They are good if you need to break the action such as hitting a sibling. Choose a good time-out spot that is boring with no distractions. A good rule of thumb is your child time in time-out can equal their age. If your child does not go there willingly then carry them there. If they do not stay then stand behind them and gently but firmly hold them by the shoulders or hold them in your lap and explain to them that they are having a time-out. Once they are sitting quietly set the timer, if they start fussing then restart the timer. When the time is up, help them find a positive activity. If you need to discuss the behavior wait a few minutes before doing so. |
